the unsung heroes

So, you’ve all been getting a lot of my perspective on this whole experience, but I have to say I’ve had two other people in the trenches with me that I haven’t said a lot about.

My mom arrived in Madison last week to help with the baby and has been just rock solid. Most women have complicated relationships with their mothers and for sure, my mom and I have our moments, but it’s amazing to me to see the depth of her love for me, totally apparent in everything she’s doing now.

She’s basically put her life in Chicago on hold, rented a temporary place in Madison, and is over here every day just to give me a break. She takes Henry when he’s not nursing so I can shower, grab some food or sweet jesus, get some sleep (or blog, obviously). She’s genius with Henry, and knows just what to do to sooth him to sleep, keep him calm and happy. She also somehow manages to comfort both me AND the baby when I’m a puddle of tears on the couch and can’t even articulate what’s wrong. I’m really not sure what I’d do without her help, and I tell her every day how much I appreciate it.

I read something in one of my baby books that until you look at your newborn’s face, you have no idea how much your own mother loves you. That seems fitting here.

And as great as my mom has been, it’s really Dave who’s been in the thick of things with me. jesus I thought my heart would crack in half when I first saw him hold Henry because it was so obvious that he was absolutely falling in love with this little baby, so I knew we were ok there. But I didn’t realize what a caring, involved dad he’d end up being.

Here’s a guy who wasn’t around little kids a lot growing up, and who would have been pretty content had we chosen not to have kids, yet who is happily (ok, at least uncomplainingly) changing diapers, rocking a screaming baby, wearing the baby in a sling, giving me much-needed nap breaks, cooking, grocery shopping, running errands, cleaning, and running a never-ending stream of supplies (water, paci, blankets, pillows, etc) up and down the steps as I trail around the house with the baby.

He tells me I look good (which I know is a lie, but I’ll take it) and tells me I’m doing great with the baby (which I don’t think is a lie but it’s good to hear anyway.) He bought me a ruby ring (Henry’s birth stone) as my “push” gift, and makes me smoothies almost every night. But the single best moment I can describe was the other night—there’s me, sobbing on the couch again. And there’s Dave, wearing the baby in a sling, bouncing up and down to stop Henry from crying, all the while patting me on the shoulder saying, “It’s ok, babe, cry it out. You’re doing great, and in another couple of weeks you’ll be drinking a margarita and laughing about this.”

It’s hard to say who’s luckiest–him, me or this baby.  We’re all just so incredibly fortunate.

baby steps

thanks to everyone for the posts, calls and emails… your personal anecdotes and words of support have been very helpful this past week.

we’re doing just fine–some days (and specifically, nights) are better than others but i’m sure there’s light at the end of the tunnel. i’ll post more when i have time, but for now, here’s Henry’s birth sign. Do you think it sounds like him?

For Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Birthday Baby: You are smart, generous, and original and can turn anything you really want into a success. You are determined, strong and independent. You have what it takes to see matters through to the end.
Sharing this birthday: Kate Beckinsale, 33; Sandra Bullock, 42; Helen Mirren, 61; Mick Jagger, 63
and, in general, the zodiac info for our little Leo

Long Night’s Journey into Day

So, Henry decided he wanted to not only stay up until bar time last night but cover the after-bar hours as well. I truly have not seen 4am since, well, at some point in college. I think we got about 2 hrs of sleep. I have a very overtired boy on my hands today, so send positive thoughts for a good long nap for both of us.

On the plus side, check out the video!

Baby blues (Henry’s and mom’s)

Yes, I know I posted this one already, but you can really see his eyes.

As you can see from the pics, Henry does have fairly large, blue-ish eyes. Hard to tell if they’ll stay this way, and in fact I’m guessing they’ll end up more hazel-y (a combo of mine and Dave’s.) But there’s lots of blue eyes on my side, so we’ll see what develops.

My baby blues. . . that’s another story. I’m feeling relatively ok, really, but it is amazing what this hormonal cocktail, plus sleep-deprivation, plus just the physical demands of labor, recovery and caring for your baby will do to you. I have a new appreciation for people with serious mental illnesses, and how they manage those on a daily basis. At Henry’s one week check-up on Tuesday, the doc went through all Henry’s stuff, and then asked me how I was doing, and I sort of said in this quavery voice, “oooooookaaaaaay.” And the doc (who, by the way, i love), asked if I was an emotional person and I couldn’t really answer, and Dave said, “You’re pretty even-keeled” and I promptly burst into tears.

I’m sure the doc sees it alllll the time, right? It’s such an odd feeling because really, you are so happy with your baby, but at the same time, nothing feels normal or manageable anymore. And in fact, that’s 90% of the reason I’m writing this blog and continuing to check my work email–they’re about the only things that remain from my old vocabulary, so I need them to feel like the old me–if that makes any sense at all.

At any rate, I know this all passes quickly and I think from what I’ve read the baby blues are like a few week proposition at most. So post your baby blues stories in the comments, I’d be interested to hear them.

Finally, I realize this blog is probably being shared on a wider basis than I’m aware of, which is totally fine with me, but let me just apologize to my work colleagues for what may be far too much information on the physical/emotional side. Just scan for the pictures, kids, you can skip the text!

The cavalry arrives!

My mom rolled into town last night and was at my house by 8am to help out with Henry. My goals for the day: shower and nap. By 10:30 am, I had completed both. As a bonus, I even shaved my legs. How kick-ass is that??? Which gives me time to post a bit more.

Dave went back to work today, which normally would have me a sobbing mess on the floor—really, you want someone around ALL THE TIME with a new baby, and I don’t know how people do it without help. Dave is great with Henry, and in fact wanted to stay home longer but is saving up his family leave to stay home with our little guy in January, February and possibly March, so that will be cool. So given that Dad had to go back to work and on Tuesday, I was crying in the doctor’s office because I’m feeling just a bit overwhelmed, we knew we needed some extra help.

At any rate, Grandma Donna knows allllll the tricks, and has Henry chillin’ like nobody’s business. She’ll be here through Tuesday, and then Henry’s Grandma Loreli arrives for a few days, then Grandma Donna returns next week. Have I mentioned how incredibly grateful I am for the help? yeah, like that.

New info about Henry: I think we’ve determined that he’s a sucker. . . meaning that he would be on the boob 24/7 if possible. Right now, he’s pretty darn close to that, but we’re trying to introduce him to the paci. Both his doc and nurse suggested that, and said some kids are just really orally fixated, so you want to give them the ability to suck without making you the human paci (which is why we got very little sleep last night). We’ll see how The Great Paci Experiment continues.

Also new on Henry: he hates having his diaper changed. holy mother of god, it’s like a baby siren when we change him–loud, piercing, angry cries. I’m thinking maybe the cold wipes are pissing him off? hard to tell, but i will probably be borrowing a wiper-warmer from one of my friends asap. oh, and, little boys. . .they pee everywhere. doing a lot of laundry these days too.

ok, here’s a few more pics for you all. . .

Henry with Aunt Mindy & Dad

Henry with Grandpa Dick

Grandma & Grandpa Nolan discussing proper baby-handling technique: